Bacon My Way Back to You!

Bacon.

(Bacon-wrapped avocado)

Yes. Bacon.

Again.

(Saw this at Bass Pro Shops – couldn’t resist!)

Sorry, boys and girls.

(Bacon as bun!)

I know it’s been an unconscionably long time since my last blog.

I’ve been busy.

Like ‘nuts’ busy.

(Original? There’s more than one?)

Not to worry, though.

(An explosion of bacon!)

I swore to myself that the first thing I would do…

(In case of emergency, administer bacon!)

Once I got back to the old blog site…

 

 

(Because nothing says ‘birthday’ like bacon frosting!)

Was give you a bacon update!

(Bacon has few fans as loyal as Garfield!)

And here it is.

(Home sweet home!)

Just for you.

(Check out the bottom left corner. COR! It’s kosher!)

Enjoy.

I’d say, “It’s good for you!”…

(Who’s behind this anarchist movement?)

But we all know I’d be toying with the truth.

Just when you thought the end was near…

And you’d given up all hope…

More bacon photos!

(Gold sprinkled bacon)

 

It gives life a sense of purpose.

(As far as I can tell, this is bacon/cheese jello)

OK, a few more.

(Weave bacon taco!)

That bacon taco deserves another photo.

(Bacon taco with chocolate sauce and peanuts!)

I’ve been away for a while.

(Manly, yes. But I like it too!)

And I have a lot of bacon photos!

(Bacon wrapped spam!)

And when I say, “a lot”…

I mean “a lot!”

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You Had Me At (Part 2)… Bacon!

You had me at… Bacon!

Some guys live by this motto. Others prefer to have it emblazoned on their tshirts.

It is the fine jewelry of food.

I wonder if Elisabeth Kübler-Ross felt the same way.

Some people will wrap anything in bacon! Even french fries!

The above is a photo sent to me by my dear friend Judy while on a recent visit to Los Angeles. Her first thought was “You have GOT to be kidding me!” Luckily, her second thought to take a photo  and email it to me! Judy says she actually bought one and that I need to come over to her place ASAP and get it before someone eats it!

I know more than a few guys who feel this way!

They are bacon black belts! Masters of Bacwondo!

They live according to a very strict bacon code.

To them, bacon is not merely for breakfast. It is also a perfectly acceptable, even preferable, dessert.

(Bacon Bloody Mary!)

Or beverage!

Anyone up for a pint?

(Bacon-wrapped scallops. A non-kosher double-play!)

The bible calls male homosexual acts an abomination. It also says that pork is unclean and uses the same word (abomination) regarding shellfish but hey… let’s not get too nit-picky and technical here, ok?

(NB: Bacon is part of the kit of life!)

Bacon is an essential part of survival, even in the more extreme circumstances

(If you can survive this breakfast, you can survive anything!)

Speaking of survival, you wouldn’t want to face The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse, Space Alien Invasion and/or Robot Uprising without a big (if not healthy) breakfast featuring that prince of foods… bacon!

So until next time, boys and girls, keep your eyes and ears open and your tummy full… of bacon!

Just don’t forget…

bacon is trying to kill you.

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My most sincere thanks to my friends and readers who regularly supply me with bacon-related photos. Extra special thanks to Judith Rosenberg Charney for the photo of the Bacon-Flavored Milk Chocolate Dylan’s Candy Bar. Priceless! You’re the best, Judy!

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You Had Me At…. (Part 1)

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Wake n’ Bacon

Thanks to Steven Burke for bringing this to my attention!

Mathlete

Version 1 by Matty Sallin, Daniel Bartolini, Hsiao-huh Hsu
Version 2 by Matty Sallin with engineering by Josh Myer

WHAT: An alarm clock that wakes you up with the smell of cooking bacon instead of a buzzer.  The aroma wakes you up, then you can open the oven component and eat the bacon itself.

View original post 298 more words

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Why I Miss The South (Part 3): Hey, y’all! Watch this!!

There is a kind of ‘laugh in the face of death’ bravura found in The South that you just don’t find anywhere else.

And just as well.

A common expression is that a southern guy’s last words are usually, “Hey, y’all! Watch this!!”

(Just about everything here began with a “Hey y’all! Watch this!”)

A good motto would be, “Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.”

This attitude crosses over to all levels of society and all manners of activity. You can find extremism everywhere.

But it is at the Southern Redneck level that the “Hey, y’all! Watch this!!” mindset reaches its apex.

For example, food…

(Hey y’all! Watch me eat this!)

Fashion…

Child rearing…

Child fashion…

Hunting…

Even portraits!

(Tell me this photo didn’t start off with a ‘Hey y’all. Watch this!!’)

You watch out of a sense of morbid curiosity.

Sometimes, you look away. Sometimes you just can’t tear your eyes from what is happening.

Either way, it is one of the many reasons why I Miss The South.

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Unhealthy Interests (Part 2): Hello Kitty

Yes, it’s true.

I have an unhealthy interest in Hello Kitty.

(I have this soap in my bathroom. Really)

But this isn’t some fledgling, new-found friendship. Hello Kitty and I go back a long way.

(OK, maybe not THAT long!)

There are strong Hello Kitty connections with Jews…

(Hello Hasidish)

..I’m not sure why but so many Jews are just dippy about Hello Kitty.

(Hello Kitty mezuzah)

Seriously. We just can’t seem to get enough of Hello Kitty!

(Hello Kitty Hanukah menorah)

And Israel! My kids say Hello Kitty is HUGE in Israel… especially Jerusalem!!

When he was in Israel this year, I got my son Exhibit Two to bring me a Hello Kiddush Cup!

(…”asher kittyshanu”…)

I promise you, this cup will be a regular feature on Shabbes and Yontiff tables from here on in.

(The heart reads “b’ahava” ~ ‘with love’)

I only wish I had the presence of mind to have him bring me another one that I could use during Passover as Elijah’s Cup.

(Open the door for ~ Eliyahu HaKitty!)

Oh well, maybe I can talk my daughter Exhibit One who lives in Israel into sending one to me in the mail.

(Hello Kitty Bento lunch)

 Hello Kitty has a fun, lovable side. But as with so many things…

(Darth Kitty)

There is a Dark Side…

(Hello Kitty Stormtrooper)

And there are those who have no qualms about exploiting that side of Hello Kitty!

Some can go to extremes and even try to impose Hello Kitty upon others by means of brute force!

(Hello Kitty armoured personnel carrier)

Some have even turned the Hello Kitty motif into themes that are quite disturbing…

…quite disturbing indeed!

(Trick or Treat! It’s Hello Kitty Jason from [and for] Halloween!)

And I suppose it was just a matter of time before Hello Kitty was drafted into the service of preparing for The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse!

(Clearly not a George A. Romero Hello Kitty zombie)

So, there you have it, folks… my addiction, for better or worse.

Hats off to the Sanrio corporation of Japan (celebrating its 50th anniversary this year) for bringing me so many hours of harmless fun over the years!

 どーもありがとう

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Loonies I Have Lunched With (Part 6): Creamer Eyes

You may have seen them out of the corner of your eye… at the next table or across the restaurant.

Sometimes, you may have had the misfortune of seeing them up close and personal, across the table from you.

No matter how you run into them or how they are inflicted upon you… the result is usually the same. Stunned disbelief.

My beloved friend, CW, and I were sitting down to dinner… minding our own business. Conversation, as always, was sparkling and witty. ‘Gay banter’ some may have called it a more innocent by-gone era.

She looked up, starting to make a point. She froze in mid-sentence. I can only imagine the look on her face. And I say that literally since I was unable to see her. Why?

Well, I think the answer by now is obvious.

I smiled and casually asked, “What?”

I removed my impromptu eye-wear and gazed at my dearly beloved friend, her eyes closed, shaking her head.

I had achieved the desired reaction.

I think what really did the trick was the fact that I had added two dark blue ‘pupils’ on the bottom of the creamers.

Not unlike The Spanish Inquisition, nobody expects the Creamer Eyes.

And yet, when one is confronted with them, there is a sense of inevitability about the encounter.

“It was just a matter of time, I suppose,” seems to be the over-riding sense.

Resignation to the inevitability of the Creamer Eyes. A sense of defeat… of being bested by the childishness of it all.

And yet, you cannot help but stifle a giggle as you shake your head in disbelief.

So, here’s to Creamer Eyes… and to the loonies who don them!

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Unhealthy Interests (Part 1): Zombies

I have been accused by more than one alleged friend of having an ‘Unhealthy Interest’ in zombies.

Well, honestly. These days, who doesn’t? I mean, really.

(♥ I’m a zombie girl… in a zombie world ♥)

Yes, but [1]… these so-called friends are quick to point out that, unlike yours truly, most other (i.e. normal) people…

• Are not lifetime members of The Zombie Research Society (with membership card in wallet to prove it);
• Haven’t given newspaper interviews or had newspaper articles written about them and zombies;
• Haven’t given lectures/seminars on the subject on zombies;
• Aren’t writing an ongoing Twitter fiction ‘journal-style’ story about life in The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse;
• Don’t regularly write blog articles about zombies and The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse;
• Don’t regularly use the expression ‘The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse’;
• Don’t refer to Walmart as ‘The Zombie Serengeti’;
• Don’t have a large cache of weapons [2] in easy reach of their computer desks;
• Don’t have a 3-month supply of food in the basement; [3]
• Don’t have a dozen gallons of fresh water and boxes of Twinkies and Strawberry Pop-Tarts [4] in their apartments;
• Don’t call Twinkies and Strawberry Pop-Tarts ‘The Official Snacks of The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse’; [5]
• Can’t speak for an hour straight on the most efficient/effective and least efficient/effective ways to kill zombies;

(The last thing a Georgia zombie sees)

The list goes on, as you can imagine.

Frankly, I don’t see how this interest of mine can be seen in any way as ‘unhealthy.’ If anything, it promotes emergency preparedness which, if done right, ensures survival.

(Yeah… I wish!)

And you can’t get much healthier than ‘not being eaten by hordes of living dead.’

So, back-off, buzz-kills!

You don’t see me kvetching about your ‘unhealthy interest’ in taking long walks and hitting little balls with sticks while wearing stupid gaily-colored pants.

____________________________________________________________

[1] “You know, my brother once told me that nothing someone says before the word ‘but’ really counts.” (Benjen Stark, ‘Game of Thrones’)

[2] Off the top of my head (and looking around me):  samurai blades, four (2 katanas, 1 wakizashi, 1 tanto); standard machete, one; bayonets, two (1 U.S. Indian wars, 1 French, WW1); Bowie knife, one;  gurka knife, one; ‘Book of Eli’ machete, two (1 large, 1 small); ‘Eragon’ medieval dagger (Arya’s blade), one; billhook sickle/machete, one.

[3] With respect, that’s my mother, not me. I barely have a 6-week supply. Hardly anything, really.

[4] Twinkies and Strawberry Pop-Tarts are the official snacks of The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse.

[5] D’OH! 

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May the Fourth… Be With You!

Today is Star Wars Day, for obvious reasons. [1]

Here are a couple of Star Wars related photos that have tickled me over the past year or so.

For me, Imperial Stormtroopers are a constant source of fun!

I love nerd humour!

Yoda is also good for a few laughs.

We’ve all seen Star Wars tshirts. Now… Star Wars swimwear by Black Milk Clothing!

So, my little geeks and nerdlings, remember…

____________________________________________________________

[1] For starters, George Lucas was born on May 14, 1944.

Another point of interest is that all 6 Star Wars films were released in May.

Episode II – Attack of the Clones was released on May 16, 2002.

Episodes I & III – The Phantom Menace & Revenge of the Sith were released on May 19, 1999 and 2005.

Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back was released on May 21, 1980.

Episode IV & VI – A New Hope and Return of the Jedi were released on May 25, 1977 and 1983.

Today and every May 4th has been considered an unofficially holiday by all Star Wars fans.

The play on words of ‘May The Force (Fourth) Be With You’ is perfect for the month of May.

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On the eve of Star Wars Day (May the Fourth Be With You), fun by Geektroverted!

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