Archive for the ‘Parody’ Category

Saw this ‘Irrational Element Table’ just now and it made the iced tea come up my nose!

The Periodic Table of Irrational Nonsense!


For the full interactive version, click here!

I love nerd humour!

Thanks to the amazing Crispian Jago for this gem.



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When Words Aren’t Enough…

Say It With Bacon!



Thanks to the incredibly fantastic Judith Rosenberg Charney for this one!!

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On the eve of Star Wars Day (May the Fourth Be With You), fun by Geektroverted!

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A year-end sampling of some of the responses, comments and opinions received from our readers… (translated from the original Chiropteran, various Hexapodan languages and dialects, Arachnidan, Anuran and Zombese).

(A gallery of familiar faces)

Dear Kosher Samurai…

A close friend recommended I read your blog, saying that I would most likely enjoy your views on me and those like me. “Finally!” I thought, “Someone’s going to tell the truth about my Order, Families, Genera and Species!” It was with a hopeful anticipation that I began going through your posts. What a disappointment! I cannot imagine more biased, unfair and uninformed viewpoints as those espoused in your blog. You swing between gross stereotypes and cutesy-homey caricatures. While you profess an affection for my kind, you have an unusual way of showing it.

We deserve better.

A Bat

(You tawkin’ ’bout me??)

Dear Kosher Samurai…

We’ve kept silent for far too long. We are confident we speak for all of us when we say that we’ve had enough of being grist for your mill. Why don’t you pick on someone your own size for a change? Why do you always taunt and belittle the smallest of creatures? I don’t see you writing any snide remarks about hippos or rhinos. What’s the matter? Chicken? (No offence to chickens, of course. We’re sure you’ll be planning a blog article denigrating them, too).

Lay off, you bully!

The Ants



Zombie Good. Blog Bad!

A Zombie

(Hang in there!)

Dear Kosher Samurai…

What is it with you and frogs? And while we’re at it, what possessed you to write an article about some unholy hybrid of frog and bat? What kind of sicko are you, anyway? Like we don’t have enough problems with humans taking away our wetland habitats! Now we have to deal with jerks like you?

Get stuffed!

The Frogs

(Scarab Beetle. If they were good enough for Pharoah…)

Kosher Samurai…

We have to warn you, we are pretty steamed at the wise-cracks you publish regularly about us. You are a nasty little man who is probably tapping away at the keyboard out of sheer frustration at your pathetic excuse for a life. Just remember… we know where you live. Sleep tight, sucker!

The Bugs & Beetles

(Why pull a leg when you can pull eight?)

Dear Kosher Samurai…

We are going to presume that you do not harbour any deep-seated ill-feelings towards us. We are going to presume that you are merely bored and are trying to find amusement where you can. We can understand this. We’ve been around a lot longer that you have and, trust us, we know from boredom. We will take it at face value that you find us amusing. We only wish we could say the same about you and your blog. We do not hold you in contempt nor should you hold us in contempt. We take you at your word that you enjoy Entomology perhaps a bit more than we enjoy Anthropology. Let’s just step back, take a breath… and begin the new year with a mutual resolution to be more sensitive to each other, shall we? We hope you enjoy the holidays and we wish you and your loved ones well.

The Arachnid Alliance

(I see you, Buddy!)

Hey, Samurai…

Not cool, man. You are SO finished!

The Insects

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The enviro-geeks at Ethical Ocean have delved into the serious issue of Santa’s carbon footprint.

Seen by millions as a jolly old soul, this bearer of gifts and muncher of cookies also has a dark side – a dark, polluting side that the environmental movement must address.  For centuries we have allowed this to occur every single year but the toll now is too great. Just look at these troubling conclusions.

(To see the full-size info-graphic, click here, then click on the image to enlarge it)

According to the study, “In just one night, Santa releases almost 69.4 million metric tons of carbon emissions. That is roughly the amount of annual carbon emissions produced by the country of Qatar.”

Some disturbing details:

  • A team of seven-foot tall tundra reindeer will emit 40,668 metric tons equivalent of carbon dioxide during their 122 million mile trip. Much like cattle, reindeer produce methane through normal animal digestive functions, which is 21 times as potent a greenhouse gas as carbon dioxide.
  • The typical lump of coal found in a naughty child’s stocking weighs approximately six ounces. If 1/5 of all children in the world are on the naughty list, 75,000 tons of coal will be left in stockings. 37,111 tons equivalent of carbon dioxide was released in the mining of that coal in the form of methane gas. Another 194,591 metric tons will be emitted if they choose the burn the coal Christmas morning;
  • The Christmas Eve tradition of leaving out milk and cookies comes at a cost to the environment. It takes 900 and 750 grams worth of carbon emissions per kilogram of food to produce milk and cookies, respectively;
  • Toys are, by far, the top contributor of Santa’s carbon footprint. From the initial production and assembly to the packaging and eventual disposal, toys for good children will release 68.1 million metric tons of CO2.

Just think about this next time you wish for old St. Nick to drop off prezzies to you and all the other little kiddie-winkers out there. Your moment of Christmas joy comes at the expense of our environment, our future and the lives of our grandchildren!

Add that to the visions of sugar plums dancing in your head as you sleep Christmas Eve!

Merry Christmas!

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Nothing unnerves a gaggle of rednecks quite like the silvery laugh from a vampyre that just received 33 bullets in her chest. They generally find it unsettling.

A deep self-satisfied sigh… a single dark eyebrow arched high over a glowing green eye… a coquettish turn of the head.

“Now, now boys,” spoke the voice, soft as a silk coffin lining. “Is that any way to treat a lady?”

A half-dozen pair of eyes stared, transfixed, as a tiny smile played at the corners of those luscious moist soft red lips, two precious emeralds set just above.

The men were dead before their bodies hit the snow, their life forces seeping out, staining the soft white blanket beneath them.

This is an ‘off the top of my head’ example of the bargain-basement vampyre fiction I lovingly call ‘Trashy Fanger Lit!’

Right now, I am making my way through Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake: Vampire Slayer series of novels. And please do not think that Ms. Hamilton’s writing lives down to the dreck I scribbled above. I like her works.

I am not the fastest reader in the world, so it is taking me forever (or so it seems to me) but I enjoy these books. It is a fabulous blend of the film noir, hard-bitten wise-cracking private detective style and modern vampyre ‘out of the coffin’ motif.

If you haven’t read these books, give the first one, ‘Guilty Pleasures’, a try to see if, like me, you get hooked!

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Yes indeed, boys and girls, here you have it…

The Isolator!

(Focus… like it’s 1925!)

In a recent article, the nerdlings at LaughingSquid.com have taken this gem out of mothballs and blown away the dust on an invention which, while perhaps ahead of its time in the mid-twenties, is a product that is ripe for our time!

The Isolator!

(Inventor and science fiction writer Hugo Gernsback wearing his invention)

As LaughingSquid writes, “The Isolator is a bizarre helmet invented in 1925 that encourages focus and concentration by rendering the wearer deaf, piping them full of oxygen, and limiting their vision to a tiny horizontal slit. The Isolator was invented by Hugo Gernsback, editor of Science and Invention magazine, member of ‘The American Physical Society,’ and one of the pioneers of science fiction.”

(An ideal blend of form and function!)

The blogger behind A Great Disorder puts it nicely in the March 10, 2010 article

“These images are from the July, 1925 issue of the long-defunct magazine ‘Science and Invention’, which was edited by Hugo Gernsback, who later became famous as a pioneer in the field of science fiction. He also invented this contraption which, to my mind, nicely illustrates the folly of taking an excessively narrow approach to solving a problem.”

So, kids… Ask Mom and Dad for your very own Isolator!

You can get good grades AND be cool… both at the same time!


Reminder: I will be in Toronto for the end of the Jewish holidays. I leave Wednesday morning October 19 and return Sunday night October 23.

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