Normally, one wouldn’t think insults would be a source of fondness and nostalgia.
The way phrases are turned in The South makes you rethink all of your notions about enjoying otherwise unpleasant things.
Here are a handful of my favourites…
Back in Papaw’s day, they would have kept him upstairs.
He ain’t hooked up right.
He’s about half a bubble off plumb.
His cheese done slid right off his cracker.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
I wonder what she would charge to haunt a house.
No decent woman can afford to be seen with him.
‘Nough to gag a maggot.
She talks just to hear her head rattle.
She’s three pickles shy of a quart.
That man ain’t got the decency to die.
You’ll have to look over him, he ain’t had no home trainin’.
(The Late Great Popcorn Sutton – bootlegger)
Your hair looks pretty good but your clothes needs something done.
She could start an argument in an empty house.
That girl’s not wearing enough fabric to flag down a train.
He’s old as sin and twice as ugly.
You lie like a dirty cur dog.
That dress is ugly as homemade sin.
He don’t got all what belongs to him.
She has her nose so high in the air she could drown in a rainstorm.
He’s as windy as a sack full of farts.
He’s country as a bowl of grits.
He’s 10 pounds of manure in a 5 pound bag.
Useless as a screen door (or cat flap) on a submarine.
She looks like Death suckin’ a sponge.
Here are three of the most effective yet subtle insults. When said properly, they can be devastating. And if you’re not from The South, you probably won’t even know you’re being insulted…
You’re not from around here, are you?
Bless your heart.