Going to Israel (2)

On Monday, I arrived in Israel for the first time in my life after so many years… decades… of waiting, hoping, praying.

I came alone.

I knew it was going to be emotional. I knew it was going to be intense.

I was prepared… or so I thought.

It was like being prepared to be hit by a bus… compared to actually being hit by a bus.

When the plane touched down in Tel Aviv, I began weeping. [1]

I could barely stand. Other passengers grabbed their carry on bags and headed out. I was in a daze.

I made my way through a blur of tears. I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. I moved as if in a trance. Was this really happening? Am I in one of the thousands of dreams and daydreams I’ve had over the last 30 or 40 years?

I was nervous about being questioned by Israeli authorities. Who was I? Where was I from? Where was I born? Why was I coming to Israel? Was I Jewish? A Jew with an Italian name? Were my parents Jewish? Did I convert? What rabbinical court converted me? My daughter lives in Israel? She immigrated to Israel? Where does she live? What is her address? Is this my first visit? What prayer does a Jew make when he embarks on a trip? Recite the first line. Do I wear tefillin? When do I wear them? When do I NOT wear them? What was the Torah reading for last Shabbes? What’s the Torah reading for next Shabbes? Was I married? Did I have an aufrufen? Did I read from the Torah? What was the Torah portion? Can I recite the first line from my haftorah portion? What holiday is coming up in 2 weeks? What book is read? Recite the blessings that are read before the book is read. Can you read the first few lines from that book? Do you know the melody that goes with that reading?

I had heard so many stories about Israeli security. I was nervous. I stepped up to the customs officer and handed her my passport.

“What is the purpose of your visit?”

I explained that this was my first visit to Israel and that I came to see my daughter who made aliyah (i.e. emigrated to Israel) a year ago.

“Where does she live?”

I told her she lives in Ramat Gan.

“How long are you going to be in Israel?”

I said I was staying for two weeks, returning on February 25.

The customs officer looked at me for a few moments, sizing me up.

She smiled and handed me back my passport and told me to proceed to baggage claims.

I walked to the baggage claim area and searched for my luggage. A plain black suitcase. My dear friend (and international travel guide) Tracy suggested I attach some brightly-coloured masking tape or cloth to make it distinguishable. I found it. Both wheels were broken off.

I extended the handle and dragged the suitcase behind me as I moved out into the main lobby. I felt numb. It all seemed so unreal. I couldn’t help feeling that I was going to wake up at any moment.

A tall handsome young man with a wide smile. Tomer. My daughter’s boyfriend. He waves and comes to me, giving me a big warm tight hug.

And then I see my beloved daughter. I’ve not laid eyes on her in over a year.

I cry again. I can’t help it. Tomer helps me with my crippled suitcase.

We walk out into the fresh air. I breathe it deep into my lungs.

I’m here. I feel I’ve finally come home to a place to which I’ve never been before.

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[1] Actually, I started crying as soon as I heard the landing gear lowering. 

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Karaoke Provokes Violence!

Saw this disturbing article the other day at the Telegram.co.uk…

Chinese toddler’s karaoke tantrum ends in bloodbath

Now before you have visions of berserk toddlers going on a murderous rampage, let me assure you that is not the case. Well, at least not here.

(Somebody is NOT happy!)

It was more like…

“Toddler’s refusal to give up the microphone during a

family karaoke evening started a quarrel that left

two men hacked to death with a meat cleaver!”

(Are you ready to rumble??)

OK, here’s what happened. A couple were celebrating the Qixi Festival (i.e. China’s Valentine’s Day), with a singing session at a local karaoke parlour. So far, so good. Trouble starts when the parents’ four-year-old son hogs the karaoke mike and the doting parents were indulging him. [1]

(Beijing… we have a problem)

Mayhem ensues when two of the karaoke kid’s uncles berate the father for having raised such a spoiled child;  a “Little Emperor”, as the Chinese say [2]. Push literally comes to shove, then shoving proceeds to punching. A nephew grabs a meat cleaver and hacks the uncles to death.

(The problem solver)

Sadly, this is not an isolated incident. Karaoke-related violence is a real problem in the East.

Other karaoke massacres have taken place in the Philippines, where the Frank Sinatra song ‘My Way‘ has had to be removed from many songbooks after sub-standard renditions provoked a string of killings.

(Clearly a trouble-maker)

In Thailand, meanwhile, a man shot eight of his neighbours, including his brother-in-law, after tiring of their tuneless reprisals of John Denver’s ‘Country Roads.’

(An incitement to violence)

In the United States, a woman punched a man for continuing to sing Coldplay’s ‘Yellow’ after she had told him he was not up to the task.

(It would have driven Mother Teresa to violence)

In her defence… it WAS a karaoke version of Coldplay’s ‘Yellow!’

Ghandi would have punched this guy out!

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[1] NB: Karaoke is taken very seriously, not just in China but throughout Asia.

[2] There is no shortage of criticism inside China for the bad behaviour of the Little Emperors, the children raised under the strict one-child policy and doted on by their parents and grandparents.

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I Knew It! Babies are Morally Bankrupt!!

Hats off once again to the gang over at ScienceDaily.com for blowing the lid off of this story.

Babies May Not Have a ‘Moral Compass’ After All

New research from New Zealand’s University of Otago is casting doubt on a landmark US study that suggested infants as young as six months old possess an innate moral compass that allows them to evaluate individuals as ‘good’ or ‘bad.’

(Ethically handicapped)

The 2007 study by Yale University researchers provided the first evidence that 6- and 10-month-old infants could assess individuals based on their behaviour towards others, showing a preference for those who helped rather than hindered another individual.

Based on a series of experiments, researchers in the Department of Psychology at Otago have shown that the earlier findings may simply be the result of infants’ preferences for interesting and attention grabbing events, rather than an ability to evaluate individuals based on their social interactions with others.

The Otago study was recently published in PLoS One, an international, peer-reviewed, open-access, online journal.

In the original Yale experiment, infants watched a wooden toy (i.e., the “climber”) attempt to climb a hill. They viewed two social interactions; one in which a “helper” toy nudged the climber up the hill, and another in which a “hinderer” toy nudged the climber down the hill.

(Future sociopath)

After viewing these two scenarios, the infants were presented with a tray; on one side of the tray was the helper and on the other side was the hinderer. Amazingly, the majority of infants picked the helper over the hinderer. To further elucidate infants’ moral reasoning abilities, a “neutral” toy (i.e., a toy that neither helped nor hindered) was pitted against the helper or hinderer. When the neutral character was paired with the helper, the infants preferred the helper; when paired with the hinderer, they preferred the neutral character.

The paper concluded that the experiments show that infants can evaluate individuals based on how they interact with another individual, and that their ability to do this is ‘universal and unlearned’.

Lead Otago author Dr Damian Scarf says that the Yale study caused an international sensation when it was published in the leading journal Nature.

After reviewing videos of the Yale experiments, the Otago researchers noticed that two obvious perceptual events could be driving infants’ choices.

“On the help and hinder trials, the toys collided with one another, an event we thought infants may not like. Furthermore, only on the help trials, the climber bounced up and down at the top of hill, an event we thought infants may enjoy.”

(Has no conscience)

The researchers carried out a series experiments to test these assumptions and, by manipulating the collision and bouncing events, were able to show that these perceptual events were driving infants’ choices of the helper over the hinderer, Dr Scarf says.

In other words, the infants couldn’t care less who was helping and who was hindering. They chose the one who was bouncing around more because it amused them.

“For example,” continues Dr Scarf, “when we had the climber bounce at the bottom of the hill, but not at the top of the hill, infants preferred the hinderer, that is, the one that pushed the climber down the hill. If the social evaluation hypothesis was correct, we should have seen a clear preference for the helper, irrespective of the location of the bounce, because the helper always helped the climber achieve its goal of reaching the top of the hill.”

So there you have it, boys and girls.

A generation of cold, heartless infants. They will be the ones who will eventually choose the nursing homes in which we end up.

Better start bouncing around now, folks!

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Be sure to check out my sister blog, Vampyre Fangs!

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Babies Healthier When There’s a Dog at Home!

I love this article which I read at United-Academics.org.

Babies are healthier when there is a dog at home.

Why? Simple!

Germs!!

New research published in Pediatrics suggests that children living with a dog are significantly healthier than those living without it. The researchers followed up 397 Finnish children, asking their parents to fill in weekly questionnaires about their health until they were 1 year old. Scientists believe that this is so because dog contact helps the babies build up their immune system.

The results showed that children with a dog at home were healthy for about 73% of the time, while the percentage on children without a dog was of 65%. According to the study, the former ‘had fewer respiratory tract symptoms or infections’, as well as ‘less frequent otitis and tended to need fewer courses of antibiotics’ than those without dog contacts, according to Eija Bergroth, the study’s lead author and a pediatrician affiliated with Kuopio University Hospital in Kuopio, Finland.

Moreover, when dogs spent most of their time outside the home, the babies were healthier.

Why? Simple!

Dogs that spend a lot of time outside are likely to bring more dirt and bacteria inside the home compared with dogs that spend more time indoors. Researchers believe that exposure to dirt and bacteria builds up babies’ immune systems.

The study emphasizes the benefits of exposure to animals, at least when it comes to the so-called ‘man’s best friend’. The researchers also analyzed cat contacts, but it seems that the influence of cats on the baby’s health was weaker.

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Source: The Wall Street Journal, Medical Xpress

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The Internet Lowers Self-Esteem in Teen Girls

As set out in a recent article in MedicalDaily.com website, girls who spend more time updating pictures, chatting and surfing the internet are more likely to suffer from negative body image and low self-esteem, says a new study.

Researchers surveyed more than 1,000 girls between the ages of 12 and 16 as part of the The NetGirls Project. They found that 40 percent of girls thought their bodies weren’t good enough and that they were scared about gaining weight.

The study also showed that 96 percent of girls said that they had access to some form of internet connection at home and of these girls, 72 percent said that they uploaded pictures of themselves on the internet.

On an average, girls spend about 3.5 hours on the internet and particularly on sites like Facebook, Twitter and MySpace.

Just about 30 percent of the girls said that their parents set rules about internet use at home.

“We set out to investigate the role of media in adolescent girls’ self-image. We were interested to find out how adolescent girls were spending their free time and how different activities related to how they felt about themselves and their bodies. Our findings demonstrate a worrying correlation between excessive media use, particularly social media and the internet, and lower self-esteem, body-esteem and sense of identity and higher depression,” said Dr Amy Slater from the School of Psychology at Flinders University, Australia.

Television and magazines are often regarded as factors that influence girls to be thinner .There are hundreds of studies that draw conclusions between media like television and magazines with poor self-esteem or body image.

Researchers of the present study will also be presenting analysis of 600 advertisements in social media directed at young girls, according to a news release.

“A content analysis of adverts found on sites that appeal to adolescent girls showed likely exposure to those reinforcing the importance of beauty and thinness,” Dr Slater explains

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The study was presented at the Appearance Matters 5 conference and should be considered preliminary until published in a peer-reviewed journal.

(Photo: REUTERS/Michael Dalder)

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Exhibit Two Gets Aished!

(Exhibit Two at Aish HaTorah in Jerusalem earlier this month)

A bit of explanation is in order.

Aish = Aish HaTorah. [1]

Aish HaTorah is an apolitical network of Jewish educational centers in 35 branches on five continents. [2]

Aish is all about Jewish education and kiruv… drawing Jews closer to G-d. [3]

There is an expression for Jews who, through the educational and kiruv work of Aish HaTorah, become more connected to Judaism and more observant. It is said they get “Aished.”

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[1] The name Aish HaTorah literally means “Fire of Torah.” As Elie Weisel said: “Aish HaTorah means to me the passion of teaching, the passion of learning. The study of Torah, the source of Jewish values, is the way to Jewish survival.”

[2] Aish HaTorah is a Jewish outreach organization started in Jerusalem by Rabbi Noah Weinberg z”l in 1974. Aish HaTorah’s goal is to revitalize the Jewish people by providing opportunities for Jews of all backgrounds to discover their heritage in an atmosphere of open inquiry and mutual respect. Aish HaTorah is regarded as a world leader in creative Jewish educational programs and leadership training.

[3] Aish’s educational philosophy is that Judaism is not all or nothing; it is a journey where every step counts, to be pursued according to one’s own pace and interest. Mitzvot (commandments) are not rituals, but opportunities for personal growth, to be studied and understood. We learn the Torah’s wisdom to enrich our own lives, and to share these ideas with all humanity.

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Nanny Shortage Leads to ‘Nanny Poaching!’

It is a sad day indeed when someone poaches your nanny.

Let me say right off the bat that I’ve been extremely lucky with all of the nannies I’ve hired over the years for Exhibits One and Two when they were mere tots. Each one better than the next with not a clunker in the bunch.

Others have not been so lucky. There is a friend of mine who has had the opposite experience… one nanny an even bigger horror story than the last.

In the olden days when dinosaurs ruled the world and it was relatively easy to hire a nanny, the government had (and still has, as far as I know) an ‘incentive program,’ of sorts. If a person outside Canada could find employment in Canada as a Foreign Domestic Worker (I think that’s what they were officially called) and maintain employment as a domestic for two years, then that person could apply for permanent residency status. [1] This was a good way for Canada to get the kinds of workers it needed and, in addition, increase its population. My father, like so many Italians, came to Canada after the war with a similar program that encouraged foreign labourers to work up in lumber camps in northern Ontario for a year or two, then become landed and bring over their wives. It was a pretty good deal in those days.

So, too, the foreign nanny program seems like a good set-up. So… what is going wrong?

You know that old cliché, “Good domestic help is so hard to find!”?

Apparently, the supply of good nannies is drying up.

According to a recent Toronto Star article, “Since 2010, fewer foreign live-in caregivers have been admitted to Canada, partly due to the declining applications by Canadian families who are now required to pay for all recruitment fees incurred and partly a result of Ottawa’s slower processing and tighter screening. The shortage of live-in caregivers has been exacerbated since mid-December when the federal government issued 14,000 open-work permits to nannies who met the employment hours to apply for permanent residency.”

The article continues, “The number of live-in caregivers arriving in Canada has plummeted by 40 per cent from its peak of 13,773 in 2007 to just 8,394 in 2010. Currently, average processing time to get an overseas nanny is 15 months, 17 months for the Philippines, the main source country.”

As a result, nanny poaching has become a rampant!  Fewer foreign domestics coming into Canada (declining applications, tighter government processing), more experienced nannies leaving the job pool and more families desperate to find good, trusted nannies to care for their kids, especially in a situation where both parents have full-time jobs and do not want to put their children in day-care.

What was once an employers’ market has rapidly turned into a nanny’s market! No longer content to work for minimum wage, good nannies these days can pretty well call the shots, especially when parents are willing to tempt them away from their present employers with higher wages, better living conditions and other attractive incentives.

As mentioned above… and this fact cannot be overstated… so many good nannies have completed their two years employment, obtained open-work permits and have moved out of the ‘live-in nanny’ business and into the ‘I’m going to make a better life for me and my own family, thank you very much’ business!

Which leads me back to my opening statement. It is a sad day indeed when someone poaches your nanny.

(Nanny no more!)

But really, what did we expect? Did we seriously think these wonderful women become nannies for the sheer thrill of taking care of our little kids night and day for little pay? Did we honestly believe these girls wouldn’t leave us for more money and a better deal for themselves? Or, heaven forbid, to start their own lives and families the first chance they could get? The only reason they looked after our kids, cleaned our houses and cooked our food was the hope that after two whole years of this crap, they would be well on the road to becoming Canadian citizens! Oh, and just in case you still haven’t caught on… that’s why they came over as nannies in the first place!

The law of supply and demand is hitting parents were it hurts the most… in their children’s lives.

It’s a tough situation to be in, no doubt. But parents can make it easier on themselves and reduce the risk of having their nannies stolen from under their noses.

Here is some free advice from an old man who’s hired a few nannies in his day.

• Pay them well. Don’t scrimp when it comes to the women who are taking care of your children. Don’t give them only what you are absolutely required by law to pay. Give them the bare minimum and it is just a matter of time before someone realizes how much your nanny is really worth… and is more than willing to pay it!
• Treat them well. They aren’t your servants. They aren’t your slaves. They certainly aren’t your friends and family. Treat them as valued employees. As with monetary compensation, if you don’t treat them well… someone else will be happy to do so!
• Give them their own time and their own space. Having a live-in nanny doesn’t mean she is on call 24-7. She needs her own life, her own space and her own time. Make her work environment seem like a prison… and she will be happy to grab the first opportunity to escape.
• Do everything above-board. Pay all of her source deductions. Make sure she is in this country legally! Don’t give in to the ‘under the table’ urge. You will both be happy in the long run. Trust me.
• Be kind and generous. You, in turn, will be rewarded with their loyalty. Be nasty, stingy and mean… and you are basically asking them to find a new job.

Here is another truism I’ve learned when I was an employee…

‘You will often put up with being treated poorly if you are paid well… and you will often put up with being paid poorly if you are treated well… but there has to be at least one or else you quit!’

Good luck out there. I hope you are as fortunate as I was!

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[1] A permanent resident is someone who has acquired permanent resident status by immigrating to Canada, but is not yet a Canadian citizen. Permanent residents have rights and privileges in Canada even though they remain citizens of their home country. In order to maintain permanent resident status, they must fulfill specified residency obligations. (Citizenship and Immigration Canada)

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Exhibit Two Turns 20 Today (The Big Shot!)

Just when I barely got my mind around the fact that my son, Exhibit Two, was no longer five years old and was, in actual fact, a teenager… he turns 20!!

(My son with his sister, the lovely Exhibit One)

It seems hardly fair, to my mind.

For those of you who think that you might have seen this guy before, if you look at the photo up at the top of this blog page, you will see a familiar figure…

Yes, folks… that is my little (6’2″) schmendrick praying at the Kotel (Western Wall) in Jerusalem last summer.

If things go well, Exhibit Two will return to Jerusalem in May to study at Aish HaTorah as part of their Jerusalem Fellowships program.

Happy Birthday. May HaShem continue to bless you, my son.

I am so lucky to be your father. No one could ask for a better son.

Let’s continue growing closer into the future!

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Exhibit One Moves to Israel!

Those of you who have been following this blog for a while are aware that my daughter, Exhibit One, along with her brother, my son Exhibit Two, first went to Israel last May on a Taglit-Birthright Israel trip.

(My daughter on a camel during her Birthright trip)

A few months later, Exhibit One returned to Israel for the month of August on an Aish HaTorah ‘Jerusalem Fellowships‘ program.

(Exhibit One, top centre with sunglasses on her head)

On Sunday, February 5, 2012, my 22-year-old daughter flew to Israel once again, only this time it was not for a visit. It was not to take part in a learning program. It was not for a vacation.

My daughter is making aliyah. She is emigrating to Israel. By Monday, she will have her Israeli citizenship card and her Israeli passport. As soon as possible, she will be enrolling in an Ulpan. Her hope is to be a kindergarten teacher.

(Exhibit One blending in with her surroundings)

She will be living in Ashdod, a seaside city just south of Tel Aviv. It is within rocket range of Gaza.

I am happy for her. I am so proud of her. Of course, I worry about her.

And most of all, I will miss her. Even with emails and SKYPE and all the other modern miracles of communication and transportation… I will miss her. I’ll miss her smiles and the way she rolls her eyes. I’ll miss her flashes of frustration and her ‘come on, hurry up!’ manner. I’ll miss her laughter and her quirky take on life. And I’ll miss her hugs.

May HaShem continue to bless you, my beloved daughter, now and throughout your new life in the land of our forefathers!

In May of this year, my son, Exhibit Two, will go on his Jerusalem Fellowship program. He plans on staying in Israel two months before returning to Canada to finish his final year of university.

(My son praying at the Kotel [Western Wall] in Jerusalem)

If things go according to plan, Exhibit Two will also be emigrating to Israel before long. He plans on making aliyah in two years, when he is 22-years-old.

Thank you, G-d, for two such wonderful kids and for giving me the years to see them into adulthood.

Watch over my children. Protect them. Spread over them and all Israel the shelter of your peace.

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My Sister is a Nonna! (or The Next Generation Arrives!)

Last week… July 28, 2011, to be exact… my sister’s daughter – my niece Jennifer – had a baby girl. Myla Rose.

Genealogy being what it is, that makes my sister a grandmother (a ‘nonna’, in Italian) and it makes my mother a bisnonna (great-grandmother).

Next month, my other niece, Jennifer’s younger sister Angela, is also going to have a baby, doubling the pleasure all around.

Recently, more than a few friends of mine have become grandparents.

I expect in the next few years, my own kids… the Kiddie-Winkers, aka Exhibits One and Two… will likely get married and have children, making me a zayde (grandfather, in Yiddish)!

The next generation is coming in fast and furious, folks, so might as well brace for it.

Looking back at what things were like when my sister and I were little kids – back when dinosaurs ruled the world – and comparing it with how things are now, I am sure this coming generation is in for some wild times. But unlike many of the more pessimistic out there, I am sure that things in the future will be better and brighter. I, for one, would not like to go back to how things were in the late 50s and early 60s.

I love computers. I love cellphones and text messages. I love Google and Wikipedia and Facebook and automated banking machines and bank account transactions by phone or laptop. And while I do not yet have a smartphone, when I get one, I promise you that I will be completely nuts about it.

And I love love love shutting all these things down for a 25-hour period once a week for Shabbes and putting the world on hold, just for a little while.

And therein layeth the lesson, my dear friends.

The more hectic life gets, the more fast-paced our lives… the more we need to unplug on a regular basis, slow down, take deep breaths and just enjoy being alive. Things move very quickly now, more quickly than ever before. If we teach our grandchildren anything… it should be to take the time to appreciate life as it is happening.

Parents of little kids can’t really do this. Bless their hearts but they truly can’t. They are too busy working and providing for the kids and making a living and arguing about money and driving between soccer practice, dance lessons, hockey games, little league and just trying to make ends meet. It is our responsibility as grandparents and grandparents-to-be to make a concerted effort to teach this brand new and most exciting generation not to miss it.

And we don’t do it by talking at them. We sometimes can’t even do it by talking to them. And we sure as heck can’t do it by starting every other sentence with, “When I was your age…!”

But we can do it by showing them.

Kids aren’t stupid. They may be inexperienced. They may be naïve. But they sure ain’t dumb. They may not listen to what parents and grandparents say but they sure are watching what we do!

Let us teach these things diligently to our children… to the next generation.

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