Going to Israel (2)

On Monday, I arrived in Israel for the first time in my life after so many years… decades… of waiting, hoping, praying.

I came alone.

I knew it was going to be emotional. I knew it was going to be intense.

I was prepared… or so I thought.

It was like being prepared to be hit by a bus… compared to actually being hit by a bus.

When the plane touched down in Tel Aviv, I began weeping. [1]

I could barely stand. Other passengers grabbed their carry on bags and headed out. I was in a daze.

I made my way through a blur of tears. I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. I moved as if in a trance. Was this really happening? Am I in one of the thousands of dreams and daydreams I’ve had over the last 30 or 40 years?

I was nervous about being questioned by Israeli authorities. Who was I? Where was I from? Where was I born? Why was I coming to Israel? Was I Jewish? A Jew with an Italian name? Were my parents Jewish? Did I convert? What rabbinical court converted me? My daughter lives in Israel? She immigrated to Israel? Where does she live? What is her address? Is this my first visit? What prayer does a Jew make when he embarks on a trip? Recite the first line. Do I wear tefillin? When do I wear them? When do I NOT wear them? What was the Torah reading for last Shabbes? What’s the Torah reading for next Shabbes? Was I married? Did I have an aufrufen? Did I read from the Torah? What was the Torah portion? Can I recite the first line from my haftorah portion? What holiday is coming up in 2 weeks? What book is read? Recite the blessings that are read before the book is read. Can you read the first few lines from that book? Do you know the melody that goes with that reading?

I had heard so many stories about Israeli security. I was nervous. I stepped up to the customs officer and handed her my passport.

“What is the purpose of your visit?”

I explained that this was my first visit to Israel and that I came to see my daughter who made aliyah (i.e. emigrated to Israel) a year ago.

“Where does she live?”

I told her she lives in Ramat Gan.

“How long are you going to be in Israel?”

I said I was staying for two weeks, returning on February 25.

The customs officer looked at me for a few moments, sizing me up.

She smiled and handed me back my passport and told me to proceed to baggage claims.

I walked to the baggage claim area and searched for my luggage. A plain black suitcase. My dear friend (and international travel guide) Tracy suggested I attach some brightly-coloured masking tape or cloth to make it distinguishable. I found it. Both wheels were broken off.

I extended the handle and dragged the suitcase behind me as I moved out into the main lobby. I felt numb. It all seemed so unreal. I couldn’t help feeling that I was going to wake up at any moment.

A tall handsome young man with a wide smile. Tomer. My daughter’s boyfriend. He waves and comes to me, giving me a big warm tight hug.

And then I see my beloved daughter. I’ve not laid eyes on her in over a year.

I cry again. I can’t help it. Tomer helps me with my crippled suitcase.

We walk out into the fresh air. I breathe it deep into my lungs.

I’m here. I feel I’ve finally come home to a place to which I’ve never been before.

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[1] Actually, I started crying as soon as I heard the landing gear lowering. 

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Babies Healthier When There’s a Dog at Home!

I love this article which I read at United-Academics.org.

Babies are healthier when there is a dog at home.

Why? Simple!

Germs!!

New research published in Pediatrics suggests that children living with a dog are significantly healthier than those living without it. The researchers followed up 397 Finnish children, asking their parents to fill in weekly questionnaires about their health until they were 1 year old. Scientists believe that this is so because dog contact helps the babies build up their immune system.

The results showed that children with a dog at home were healthy for about 73% of the time, while the percentage on children without a dog was of 65%. According to the study, the former ‘had fewer respiratory tract symptoms or infections’, as well as ‘less frequent otitis and tended to need fewer courses of antibiotics’ than those without dog contacts, according to Eija Bergroth, the study’s lead author and a pediatrician affiliated with Kuopio University Hospital in Kuopio, Finland.

Moreover, when dogs spent most of their time outside the home, the babies were healthier.

Why? Simple!

Dogs that spend a lot of time outside are likely to bring more dirt and bacteria inside the home compared with dogs that spend more time indoors. Researchers believe that exposure to dirt and bacteria builds up babies’ immune systems.

The study emphasizes the benefits of exposure to animals, at least when it comes to the so-called ‘man’s best friend’. The researchers also analyzed cat contacts, but it seems that the influence of cats on the baby’s health was weaker.

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Source: The Wall Street Journal, Medical Xpress

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The Internet Lowers Self-Esteem in Teen Girls

As set out in a recent article in MedicalDaily.com website, girls who spend more time updating pictures, chatting and surfing the internet are more likely to suffer from negative body image and low self-esteem, says a new study.

Researchers surveyed more than 1,000 girls between the ages of 12 and 16 as part of the The NetGirls Project. They found that 40 percent of girls thought their bodies weren’t good enough and that they were scared about gaining weight.

The study also showed that 96 percent of girls said that they had access to some form of internet connection at home and of these girls, 72 percent said that they uploaded pictures of themselves on the internet.

On an average, girls spend about 3.5 hours on the internet and particularly on sites like Facebook, Twitter and MySpace.

Just about 30 percent of the girls said that their parents set rules about internet use at home.

“We set out to investigate the role of media in adolescent girls’ self-image. We were interested to find out how adolescent girls were spending their free time and how different activities related to how they felt about themselves and their bodies. Our findings demonstrate a worrying correlation between excessive media use, particularly social media and the internet, and lower self-esteem, body-esteem and sense of identity and higher depression,” said Dr Amy Slater from the School of Psychology at Flinders University, Australia.

Television and magazines are often regarded as factors that influence girls to be thinner .There are hundreds of studies that draw conclusions between media like television and magazines with poor self-esteem or body image.

Researchers of the present study will also be presenting analysis of 600 advertisements in social media directed at young girls, according to a news release.

“A content analysis of adverts found on sites that appeal to adolescent girls showed likely exposure to those reinforcing the importance of beauty and thinness,” Dr Slater explains

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The study was presented at the Appearance Matters 5 conference and should be considered preliminary until published in a peer-reviewed journal.

(Photo: REUTERS/Michael Dalder)

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Unhealthy Interests (Part 2): Hello Kitty

Yes, it’s true.

I have an unhealthy interest in Hello Kitty.

(I have this soap in my bathroom. Really)

But this isn’t some fledgling, new-found friendship. Hello Kitty and I go back a long way.

(OK, maybe not THAT long!)

There are strong Hello Kitty connections with Jews…

(Hello Hasidish)

..I’m not sure why but so many Jews are just dippy about Hello Kitty.

(Hello Kitty mezuzah)

Seriously. We just can’t seem to get enough of Hello Kitty!

(Hello Kitty Hanukah menorah)

And Israel! My kids say Hello Kitty is HUGE in Israel… especially Jerusalem!!

When he was in Israel this year, I got my son Exhibit Two to bring me a Hello Kiddush Cup!

(…”asher kittyshanu”…)

I promise you, this cup will be a regular feature on Shabbes and Yontiff tables from here on in.

(The heart reads “b’ahava” ~ ‘with love’)

I only wish I had the presence of mind to have him bring me another one that I could use during Passover as Elijah’s Cup.

(Open the door for ~ Eliyahu HaKitty!)

Oh well, maybe I can talk my daughter Exhibit One who lives in Israel into sending one to me in the mail.

(Hello Kitty Bento lunch)

 Hello Kitty has a fun, lovable side. But as with so many things…

(Darth Kitty)

There is a Dark Side…

(Hello Kitty Stormtrooper)

And there are those who have no qualms about exploiting that side of Hello Kitty!

Some can go to extremes and even try to impose Hello Kitty upon others by means of brute force!

(Hello Kitty armoured personnel carrier)

Some have even turned the Hello Kitty motif into themes that are quite disturbing…

…quite disturbing indeed!

(Trick or Treat! It’s Hello Kitty Jason from [and for] Halloween!)

And I suppose it was just a matter of time before Hello Kitty was drafted into the service of preparing for The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse!

(Clearly not a George A. Romero Hello Kitty zombie)

So, there you have it, folks… my addiction, for better or worse.

Hats off to the Sanrio corporation of Japan (celebrating its 50th anniversary this year) for bringing me so many hours of harmless fun over the years!

 どーもありがとう

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Exhibit Two Gets Aished!

(Exhibit Two at Aish HaTorah in Jerusalem earlier this month)

A bit of explanation is in order.

Aish = Aish HaTorah. [1]

Aish HaTorah is an apolitical network of Jewish educational centers in 35 branches on five continents. [2]

Aish is all about Jewish education and kiruv… drawing Jews closer to G-d. [3]

There is an expression for Jews who, through the educational and kiruv work of Aish HaTorah, become more connected to Judaism and more observant. It is said they get “Aished.”

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[1] The name Aish HaTorah literally means “Fire of Torah.” As Elie Weisel said: “Aish HaTorah means to me the passion of teaching, the passion of learning. The study of Torah, the source of Jewish values, is the way to Jewish survival.”

[2] Aish HaTorah is a Jewish outreach organization started in Jerusalem by Rabbi Noah Weinberg z”l in 1974. Aish HaTorah’s goal is to revitalize the Jewish people by providing opportunities for Jews of all backgrounds to discover their heritage in an atmosphere of open inquiry and mutual respect. Aish HaTorah is regarded as a world leader in creative Jewish educational programs and leadership training.

[3] Aish’s educational philosophy is that Judaism is not all or nothing; it is a journey where every step counts, to be pursued according to one’s own pace and interest. Mitzvot (commandments) are not rituals, but opportunities for personal growth, to be studied and understood. We learn the Torah’s wisdom to enrich our own lives, and to share these ideas with all humanity.

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Exhibit Two Flies Back to Israel!

Tomorrow morning, May 1, 2012, my son, Exhibit Two [1], flies off back to Israel.

He is taking part in the Jerusalem Fellowships program for three weeks, studying at Aish HaTorah in Jerusalem as well as traveling to various other places as part of the program.

His sister, my daughter Exhibit One, did the program last August.

(My son, Exhibit Two, at the Western Wall, Jerusalem)

After his three weeks in Jerusalem, he plans to spend the next three weeks with Exhibit One in Ashdod, a lovely port city on the Mediterranean coast between Gaza and Tel Aviv.

They miss each other terribly and can’t wait to see each other again.

(My children together in Israel last year)

After that, my son will be working as a counselor at a Jewish summer camp in deepest, darkest New Jersey!

Sounds like an amazing summer!

I hope and pray that all goes well and that he returns to Canada safe and sound.

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[1] When I was a young rōnin, I was for several years in a relationship and living with an even younger partner. While I did not fully appreciate it at the time, we were in a common-law marriage. That person is, therefore, my ‘first spouse’ ['SA'], as opposed to the person I legally married (then legally divorced) many years later ['WHN']. My children, Exhibits One and Two, were tendered into evidence during the second marriage.

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Quick & Easy Purim Hamantashen

This Wednesday night, March 7, marks the beginning of the Jewish festival of Purim, commemorating the events of the biblical Book of Esther in ancient Persia (now Iran). The wicked Persian premier, Haman, plotted to wipe out all the Jews (sound familiar?) but was ultimately thwarted. Purim falls into the “they tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!” category of Jewish festivals and holidays.

As part of the celebration, Jews traditionally bake three-sided fruit or poppy-seed filled turn-over cookies called ‘hamantashen’ (also spelled ‘hamantaschen). Their triangle shape is because it is believed that a tri-cornered hat was worn by the wicked Haman (i.e. the ‘Haman’ in ‘hamantashen’).

In the spirit of the festival, I offer you Chabad‘s ‘Quick & Easy Hamantashen’ recipe. Enjoy!

Ingredients:

1 (18.25 ounce) package moist yellow cake mix

1 cup all-purpose flour

2 eggs

2 tablespoons water

Fillings:

1 cup fruit jam (any flavour) or 1 cup prepared poppy-seed filling or 1 cup chocolate chips

Directions:

• Preheat the oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease cookie sheets.
• In a large bowl, mix together the cake mix and flour. Stir in the eggs and water to form a stiff dough. On a lightly floured surface, roll the dough out to 1/8 inch thickness.
• Cut into 3 inch round circles and place 2 inches apart onto the prepared cookie sheets. Place a teaspoon of filling into the centre of each cookie and pinch the sides tightly to form three corners so that only a little filling is visible. Moisten with water, if necessary.
• Bake hamantashen for 6 to 8 minutes in the preheated oven, or until lightly browned.
• Allow cookies to cook for 1 minute on the cookie sheets before removing to wire racks to cool completely.

Recipe yields 2 dozen hamantashen.

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Materialistic Couples Have More Problems!

Several recent studies over the last few years have suggested that money is not the key to happiness.

Now while it is admittedly hard to maintain a sunny disposition under conditions of grinding poverty, once basic needs are met such as food, shelter, clothing, and so on, having more and more money and more and more stuff apparently doesn’t do all that much to improve overall contentment.

In fact, it appears that having too much of a fixation on money can even make you worse off.

How does all this plays out in the context of marriage?

Researchers evaluated nearly 2,000 couples in the United States and found that those who claimed not to care much about money scored up to fifteen percent better on marriage quality than couples where one or both members did claim to care a lot about wealth and possessions.

Marriages where both members self-identified as materialistic suffered from poor communication, poor conflict resolution skills, low responsiveness, and instability.

Now, let’s not get too carried away by these results here.

Materialism comes in different degrees and flavors. We’re all materialistic to some extent. We’re none of us St. Francis of Assisi. I don’t know how many people are reading this blog from the discomfort of a hermit cave deep in the wilderness. My guess is not many.

I admit… I myself have occasional flights of fancy where I visualize myself awash under a veritable cascade of material wealth.

This is not to say that a shared appreciation of being able to afford nice things, provide for children, and take family vacations can’t be sources of pleasure and happiness.

What the study suggests, though, is that there’s a tipping point where loving money for its own sake becomes a source of conflict. It is when things go past this tipping point for one or both spouses that the marriage suffers.

No doubt, there are very wealthy individuals and couples who manage to be quite happy. But their wealth may be more a by-product of contentment rather than a source of it.

Money buys you comfort and convenience. And lots of it, to be sure!

But it seems that the old adage still rings true. You can’t buy happiness.

Although, in many instances, you can probably rent it, temporarily.

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Nanny Shortage Leads to ‘Nanny Poaching!’

It is a sad day indeed when someone poaches your nanny.

Let me say right off the bat that I’ve been extremely lucky with all of the nannies I’ve hired over the years for Exhibits One and Two when they were mere tots. Each one better than the next with not a clunker in the bunch.

Others have not been so lucky. There is a friend of mine who has had the opposite experience… one nanny an even bigger horror story than the last.

In the olden days when dinosaurs ruled the world and it was relatively easy to hire a nanny, the government had (and still has, as far as I know) an ‘incentive program,’ of sorts. If a person outside Canada could find employment in Canada as a Foreign Domestic Worker (I think that’s what they were officially called) and maintain employment as a domestic for two years, then that person could apply for permanent residency status. [1] This was a good way for Canada to get the kinds of workers it needed and, in addition, increase its population. My father, like so many Italians, came to Canada after the war with a similar program that encouraged foreign labourers to work up in lumber camps in northern Ontario for a year or two, then become landed and bring over their wives. It was a pretty good deal in those days.

So, too, the foreign nanny program seems like a good set-up. So… what is going wrong?

You know that old cliché, “Good domestic help is so hard to find!”?

Apparently, the supply of good nannies is drying up.

According to a recent Toronto Star article, “Since 2010, fewer foreign live-in caregivers have been admitted to Canada, partly due to the declining applications by Canadian families who are now required to pay for all recruitment fees incurred and partly a result of Ottawa’s slower processing and tighter screening. The shortage of live-in caregivers has been exacerbated since mid-December when the federal government issued 14,000 open-work permits to nannies who met the employment hours to apply for permanent residency.”

The article continues, “The number of live-in caregivers arriving in Canada has plummeted by 40 per cent from its peak of 13,773 in 2007 to just 8,394 in 2010. Currently, average processing time to get an overseas nanny is 15 months, 17 months for the Philippines, the main source country.”

As a result, nanny poaching has become a rampant!  Fewer foreign domestics coming into Canada (declining applications, tighter government processing), more experienced nannies leaving the job pool and more families desperate to find good, trusted nannies to care for their kids, especially in a situation where both parents have full-time jobs and do not want to put their children in day-care.

What was once an employers’ market has rapidly turned into a nanny’s market! No longer content to work for minimum wage, good nannies these days can pretty well call the shots, especially when parents are willing to tempt them away from their present employers with higher wages, better living conditions and other attractive incentives.

As mentioned above… and this fact cannot be overstated… so many good nannies have completed their two years employment, obtained open-work permits and have moved out of the ‘live-in nanny’ business and into the ‘I’m going to make a better life for me and my own family, thank you very much’ business!

Which leads me back to my opening statement. It is a sad day indeed when someone poaches your nanny.

(Nanny no more!)

But really, what did we expect? Did we seriously think these wonderful women become nannies for the sheer thrill of taking care of our little kids night and day for little pay? Did we honestly believe these girls wouldn’t leave us for more money and a better deal for themselves? Or, heaven forbid, to start their own lives and families the first chance they could get? The only reason they looked after our kids, cleaned our houses and cooked our food was the hope that after two whole years of this crap, they would be well on the road to becoming Canadian citizens! Oh, and just in case you still haven’t caught on… that’s why they came over as nannies in the first place!

The law of supply and demand is hitting parents were it hurts the most… in their children’s lives.

It’s a tough situation to be in, no doubt. But parents can make it easier on themselves and reduce the risk of having their nannies stolen from under their noses.

Here is some free advice from an old man who’s hired a few nannies in his day.

• Pay them well. Don’t scrimp when it comes to the women who are taking care of your children. Don’t give them only what you are absolutely required by law to pay. Give them the bare minimum and it is just a matter of time before someone realizes how much your nanny is really worth… and is more than willing to pay it!
• Treat them well. They aren’t your servants. They aren’t your slaves. They certainly aren’t your friends and family. Treat them as valued employees. As with monetary compensation, if you don’t treat them well… someone else will be happy to do so!
• Give them their own time and their own space. Having a live-in nanny doesn’t mean she is on call 24-7. She needs her own life, her own space and her own time. Make her work environment seem like a prison… and she will be happy to grab the first opportunity to escape.
• Do everything above-board. Pay all of her source deductions. Make sure she is in this country legally! Don’t give in to the ‘under the table’ urge. You will both be happy in the long run. Trust me.
• Be kind and generous. You, in turn, will be rewarded with their loyalty. Be nasty, stingy and mean… and you are basically asking them to find a new job.

Here is another truism I’ve learned when I was an employee…

‘You will often put up with being treated poorly if you are paid well… and you will often put up with being paid poorly if you are treated well… but there has to be at least one or else you quit!’

Good luck out there. I hope you are as fortunate as I was!

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[1] A permanent resident is someone who has acquired permanent resident status by immigrating to Canada, but is not yet a Canadian citizen. Permanent residents have rights and privileges in Canada even though they remain citizens of their home country. In order to maintain permanent resident status, they must fulfill specified residency obligations. (Citizenship and Immigration Canada)

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A Latkarrific Sufganiyotastic Hanukah in Toronto!

As usual, I spent the Jewish Sabbath this past weekend in Toronto.

This year, the Xmas holidays spilled over into the following Monday and Tuesday. Also, I was able to leave work very early Friday morning, so I had the good fortune to spend most of Hanukah in The Heart of the Old World! Woohoo!

(Latkes – aka Jewish hashbrowns)

Depending on your taste, we were either blessed or cursed with a snow-free holiday season. For me, this was just fine. Now while I despise heat and sunshine, I am also no fan of snow and ice. Most of the festive week, therefore, was a kind of grey overcast cool damp depressing wonderful time. Couldn’t have asked for more!

(Sufganiyot – aka Jewish doughnuts)

It was a great week with friends, loved ones and, of course, my SigOth, SG. A blur of Hanukah parties, blended-family get-togethers, synagogue services, shopping, shiurim, meals with friends (new and old) and loved ones, and good old-fashioned quantity time together.

Today is the last day of Hanukah. May everyone continue to have a joyous and blessed holiday season, filled with happiness, love and good times!

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