Things Orthodox Girls Say (And why I love them)!

When I am in The Heart of the Old World [1], there is a certain pervasive sound you hear… a kind of omnipresent background music… a gently swaying ‘bed track’ to the place. It is a general all-encompassing soundtrack permeating the entire area… made up from the voices of hundreds of Jewish girls and women.

It is useless trying to explain a symphony with words,. I will at least give you a tiny taste of some of the lyrics. Try to imagine the sing-song tones blending in and through each other, above and underneath each other, mixing and intertwining, separating and repeating, like a Bach fugue.

Those who know what I am talking about are well familiar with the melodies, counter-melodies, tempos and keys. To the uninitiated, I can only say that one cannot describe a colour adequately with words… it must be seen to be fully understood. Similarly, like a Shakespearean play, the words are meant to be heard, not read. [2]

At the grocery store, on the sidewalk, in the coffee shop, in the parking lot… it binds us and keeps us together. It forms a warm comforting blanket around us.

And now… let us listen… and hear those precious voices all around us…

Boruch HaShem! Im Yirtzeh HaShem. B’ezras HaShem!

It’s all shtuss. It’s just a bunch of shtuss.

Yes, bli neder. Absolutely, bli neder! Of course, bli neder!

 Make a brochah, Shmuley. Did you make an after-brochah?

Chas v’sholom! K’neine hora! Lo aleinu!

You hold by that? We don’t hold by that! Who holds by that?

Look at that punim! What a shayna punim! Can you believe the punim on this kid?

Where are you for Shabbes lunch? You’re coming for Shabbes dinner, right?

Where does he daven? What time do they finish davening over there?

She lives in Beit Shemesh now. Ramat Gan. She’s in Bnei Barak.

Monsey. Crown Heights. Lakewood. Boro Park.

She’s engaged? Who’s engaged? She’s getting married!

Mazel tov! How wonderful! They should know only joy and happiness.

Simchas. Only Simchas! Next by you. It should happen by you.

Narishkeit. I’ve never heard such narishkeit!

Really? You’re serious? You’re not serious. You are? Really?

When’s shkiah? What time is shkiah? When’s candle lighting?

What time’s Shabbes over? Come over for havdalah!

She’s a giyeres. They’re baalei tshuvah. Frum from birth.

They’re moving to Atlanta.  It’s a very nice community there.

As my Bubbie, olav hasholom, would day, “It’s from fainting!”

Are you ready for Pesach? Oy, please. Don’t remind me!

Where do you get your challah? You make your own!?

I buy frozen gefilte fish and bake it! It’s mamish ok.

We have an aufruffen to go to. I’m at a bar mitzvah.

Nu? Shoyn? Oy, a broch! Vey iz mir!

Zeit nisht meshiggah!

Genig shoyn. Enough, already!

Again with the shtuss?

In the Heart of the Old World, as it is in any Jewish neighbourhood, this is the soundtrack to our lives!

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[1] Bathurst Street in Toronto, between Lawrence and Wilson.

[2] This YouTube video, Shduss Frum Girls Say, although a comic look at the subject, gives you sort of a taste…

As does the second video in the series, Shduss Frum Girls Say 2…

And how can we leave out Passover Shtuss??…

These videos are the work of Zehava G, whose works can be found on YouTube at…

http://www.youtube.com/user/wllwrk4food?feature=plcp

Or on Facebook, at…

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Zehava-G/137144146317809?ref=h­l

Zehava… you’re the best!

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Exhibit Two Gets Aished!

(Exhibit Two at Aish HaTorah in Jerusalem earlier this month)

A bit of explanation is in order.

Aish = Aish HaTorah. [1]

Aish HaTorah is an apolitical network of Jewish educational centers in 35 branches on five continents. [2]

Aish is all about Jewish education and kiruv… drawing Jews closer to G-d. [3]

There is an expression for Jews who, through the educational and kiruv work of Aish HaTorah, become more connected to Judaism and more observant. It is said they get “Aished.”

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[1] The name Aish HaTorah literally means “Fire of Torah.” As Elie Weisel said: “Aish HaTorah means to me the passion of teaching, the passion of learning. The study of Torah, the source of Jewish values, is the way to Jewish survival.”

[2] Aish HaTorah is a Jewish outreach organization started in Jerusalem by Rabbi Noah Weinberg z”l in 1974. Aish HaTorah’s goal is to revitalize the Jewish people by providing opportunities for Jews of all backgrounds to discover their heritage in an atmosphere of open inquiry and mutual respect. Aish HaTorah is regarded as a world leader in creative Jewish educational programs and leadership training.

[3] Aish’s educational philosophy is that Judaism is not all or nothing; it is a journey where every step counts, to be pursued according to one’s own pace and interest. Mitzvot (commandments) are not rituals, but opportunities for personal growth, to be studied and understood. We learn the Torah’s wisdom to enrich our own lives, and to share these ideas with all humanity.

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One Year Anniversary!

One year ago, yesterday, May 17, 2011, I created this blog, the Kosher Samurai.

One year ago, today, I published my first blog article, set out below.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I prefer to spell it bl*g or bl*gging.

I have some strange aversion to the way the word is usually spelled. Not sure why. I just do.

I’m sure that, in time, I will succumb and use the full un-asterixed version. But for now, this is my bl*g.

I’ve been inspired (or provoked, depending on one’s point of view) to start up this site by a dear friend of mine.

Shameless plug for dear friend of mine:  XUP

Her writing is quite good. If you haven’t done so already, check it out. Quality stuff, I assure you.

A few details about yours truly…

I’m Jewish and I have a fondness for Japan, Japanese food and Japanese culture.

(Hence the name for this site:  Kosher Samurai)

I am a criminal defence lawyer. Divorced

Two kids:

Exhibit One: 21 yr old daughter

Exhibit Two: 19 yr old son.

That’s all for now, I think. I’m new to this so I need to get past my “green as Gumby” stage and start writing.

Bye for now

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Since then, I’ve published 162 blog articles, including this one.

At the Kosher Samurai, I publish three articles a week, usually posted on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

At my sister blog, Vampyre Fangs, I also publish three articles a week, usually posted on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

I want to personally thank each and every one of my readers who’ve stopped by and read my articles.

For me, it is a labour of love. I write primarily for myself but if others enjoy my writings too… that brings me great pleasure.

Thank you. And keep coming.

Sincerely,

The Kosher Samurai

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Total Societal Meltdown: Not as Fun as You Might Think

Do you ever get the impression that there are people out there who just can’t wait for the world to go to hell in a handcart?

Whether it is a complete socio-economic meltdown, a total financial collapse, a global political conflagration or a good old-fashioned 3rd World War… do you get the feeling that there are those who will secretly say, “Yes! I was hoping for this!”

When I look at the Doomsday types… religious or otherwise… I can’t help but think that despite their dire warnings, deep down, they’re dying for the end to be near.

As you all probably know, I personally believe that if there is going to be a non-biblical end to Civilization As We Know It, it will be in the form of either a Zombie Apocalypse, a Robot Uprising or a Space Alien Invasion. All excellent and probable scenarios, of course.

(No matter how you slice it, it’s not so good for us)

But, believe it or not, there are others who feel that the world will experience The Big Collapse in other ways. Nuclear War is a popular one. A 99.9% effective disease ranks high in many people’s minds.

However we get there, I am sure a good many people will agree that what remains of mankind ends up eating stray dogs and fighting for the bones. Not an attractive idea but… as I said… I believe there are a good portion of people to whom this Mad Max dream world is heaven on earth.

I think these poor saps have a kind of Hollywood-induced image that makes post-civilized life somewhat bleakly romantic in a kind of modern Dark Ages way.

I’m not sure what you guys think, but from what I know about Europe between the Fall of Rome and early medieval times, I wouldn’t wish that life on my worst enemy. OK, maybe my worst enemy but that’s about it.

I see no romance in a life of grinding poverty, cruelty, ignorance and pestilence interrupted occasionally by the odd barbarian horde pillaging and raping everything in sight. And if you think you’ve witnessed religious fundamentalists in our day, trust me… you ain’t seen nothing compared to the way things were 1500 years ago.

And its not like you could ignore a disruption of that kind.

The only people I can imagine not noticing all that much that the world has fallen apart are those whose situation is already so bleak and desperate, it couldn’t get worse. People living out in the African, Australian, Southeast Asian or South American jungles or hinterlands with no contact with society already. If things headed south for the rest of us, how would they know… or even care?

Nope. Things going down the toilet is all well and good when we’re discussing The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse and while it is a good idea to have a good survival plan in place in case of some natural disaster or toxic spill or the like, I don’t lay awake at night hoping and praying that things hit the fan on that massive a scale.

I’ll leave that to the survivalists in North Dakota or Montana or wherever the heck they hang out.

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Life After Z Day (Post Apocalypse Zombie Tweets)

A few weeks ago, I broke down and got a Twitter account.

One of the things I’m following on Twitter is a series of tweets called Life After Z Day.

The premise is elegantly simple. The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse has smacked us in the face like a bloody severed hand. Despite things hitting the fan in a major way, someone out there has access to Twitter and tweets his journal entries several times a day.

Here are a few examples from this month…

• 1 Apr:   Sorry for the inactivity, my brother and I had run out of ammunition and canned food… We had to venture into the city.

• 3 Apr:   What a night last night, we drove the rzr into a small town and broke into a boarded up bar… It’s funny to say, but I missed hangovers.

• 4 Apr: Hung over today, and my brother and I are being lazy and bunked down… but tomorrow we gotta get out and work on our fences.

• 6 Apr:   Just after we had got to sleep the dog heard something and woke us up… It was a nomad walker cought (sic) up in one of our perimeter fences.

• 8 Apr:  as soon as the door opened up i thought maybe there was a reason the door was locked from the outside.. thats (sic) when we heard the moans inside.

• 10 Apr:  we came across a sworm (sic) of walkers, and in the middle of the swarm there was an SUV with what looked to be two girls in trouble…

• 11 Apr:  We have been busy all day patrolling the perimeter of the farm, there was an abnormal amount of walkers caught on the fence…

• 11 Apr:  But I suppose these days there is no such thing as ‘normal’.

Some days, there is only one entry… or two. Other days, there can be several. April 10th had about 30 entries.

It’s like reading a diary. Or rather, reading a journal over the shoulder of the person writing it, while he is writing it.

I’m hooked… like a walker on a barbed wire fence.

Check it out.

If, like me, you a zombie kinda person and you tend to drift on over to Twitter whenever you’re bored and have a few minutes to spare… give Life After Z Day a go.

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Exhibit Two and The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse

The other day, I received a series of text messages from my son, Exhibit Two, asking some questions about preparing for The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse.

Me being a ‘Noted Zombie Expert’ (in addition to his dear old Daddio), it was only natural that he come to me.

I put this question to him… a question I ask most people who come to me with ‘Zombie Preparedness 101′ type questions…

Let’s say there is some kind of disaster in your area… a toxic spill or some nasty disease or chemicals get loose in the vicinity… and everyone is confined to their homes for one week, unable to leave their houses for 7 days. Could you survive?

Oh, and by the way… on the third day, the electricity goes out.

(Exhibit Two blending in with the Zombie Apocalypse background)

How would you manage? Take yourself through the process. Imagine the situation and what you would need.

First and foremost…always remember… you need about one gallon (approximately four litres) of fresh water per person per day. A person can go weeks without food… but no drinkable water at all? You’re looking at about three days… four at the most.

Some other simple things leap to mind. Non-perishable food items, preferably food that has a long or even an almost indefinite expiry period. This, by the way, is why Twinkies and Strawberry Pop-Tarts are the Official Snacks of The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse!

Think in terms of food that does not require any cooking (i.e. food that is ‘ready to eat’).

Here’s another food preservation tip… Honey is the only food that never goes bad. It may turn hard over time… but it never spoils.

Other good stuff to have on hand. Candles, batteries. You’re probably going to want to know what the heck is going on, so a hand-crank radio is a good idea.

You’re going to want to stock up the medicine cabinet with a lot of the basics and not-so-basics in case someone gets sick during the week-long shut down. A good first aid kit is another good idea. And not one of those chintzy cheap $15 jobs people stuff into their car trunks and never see again. I mean a proper fully stocked first aid kit with everything you will need for most eventualities from a broken or fractured bone to a seriously deep cut.

Everyone should now how to administer First Aid. Up here in The Great White North, the St. Johns Ambulance organization is a wonderful source of information. Everyone in the home old enough to do so should take basic CPR and other First Aid courses through St. John Ambulance or some other such service.

(THIS is the kind of cut I’m talking about!)

For the young ones, a good way to prepare them for The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse (or any other disaster or emergency situation) is to sign them up for the Boy Scouts, Girls Scouts or Girl Guides, or any one of the many military cadet programs. Up here in Canada, we always sea Air Cadets and Sea Cadets… teenagers who are being trained not only in military subjects but also, naturally, basic survival skills.

Also, over the course of one week, people in our fast-paced society are, even in a disaster, going to be really bored really fast. I suggest having some games on hand to while away the time. But I personally would avoid Monopoly. People have been murdered over Monopoly. Avoid it at all costs is my recommendation.

As I suggested to Exhibit Two, a nice place to start when one is preparing for The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse (or any other natural or man-made disaster) is the Centres for Disease Control & Prevention, especially their Preparedness 101 page for The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse.

One final word of caution. Depending on the nature of the disaster, it may be days or even weeks before authorities can bring things into line again. In a serious ongoing disaster situation, zombie or otherwise, the most dangerous risk to your personal safety, especially in the first few days, will most likely come from other humans. People panicking, looting, rioting or just being desperate and losing control. Just think of your neighbours and their kids, hungry and dying of thirst… and they know you have food and water. Only the thinnest veneer of civilization separates us from chaos and anarchy. Those who remember Hurricane Katrina and the Louisiana Superdome will know what I am talking about.

Be prepared. Be alert. Be aware. Be careful.

Remember…

What you don’t know… can eat you!

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Mississippi Voters: Obama’s a Muslim

A March 10 – 11 survey by Public Policy Polling reveals that a majority of Republicans in Alabama and Mississippi – states with primary elections last night Tuesday March 13 – believe the President of the United States is a Muslim. Forty-five percent of Republican voters in Alabama think Obama is a Muslim, while 41 percent are “unsure.” Only 14 percent believe he is Christian. In Mississippi, belief in the president’s supposed Muslim faith is even stronger. Fifty-two percent of Republicans there think Obama is Muslim, while 36 percent are unsure and only 12 percent believe he is Christian.

Yes, boy and girls… It’s that time again! With the political world returning its attention to the voting action in Dixie, the bulk of the nation is indulging once more in that most satisfying of political pastimes: jeering at what a pack of racist, ass-backward idjits they think populate the Deep South.

Don’t get me wrong. Believe you me,  I love pokin’ fun at The South as much as the next guy. Maybe even more so. But I need to state plainly and clearly that, for me, it’s done out of love. For all of its quirks and idiosyncrasies, I love The South. I sincerely do.

So when I see these kinds of survey results being broadcast, I get a bit shirty and more than a bit suspicious. And here’s why…

You don’t see these kinds of survey questions asked in Vermont or Oregon or Michigan. Why does The South get the dubious benefit of being asked questions that deliberately expose certain facets of the culture?

So an average of one in four respondents still think inter-racial marriage shouldn’t be legal. A whole lot of Republicans in Mississippi and Alabama can’t get with that whole ebony-and-ivory thing. Racist? Ayuh, I’d say so. But can someone please explain to me what this has to do with the current Republican presidential race? Discussions of gay marriage I understand. But interracial marriage – since when is this a relevant topic in American politics?

Similarly, why do we need to know respondents’ views on evolution? Last time I checked, not even Santorum was waving the creationism (or intelligent design) banner in this race.

You don’t see Arizona or Colorado Republicans asked about how they feel about Hispanics and if they should all be rounded up and sent back to Mexico. I don’t recall any polls conducted in certain sections of New Jersey society as to what the people there think about blacks.

Every state has its not-so-admirable biases. I don’t see what it adds to the public discourse in asking Republicans in the Deep South – and evidently only these states – about these particular issues.

At least with comedians, you know it’s supposed to be a joke. You may not laugh or you may not even appreciate the humour but at last you know that’s the point of the exercise.

Not so when a polling company puts out such facts.

It’s a cheap shot. Under the mask of political research, it’s just cultural profiling for laughs, and easy ones at that.

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Quick & Easy Purim Hamantashen

This Wednesday night, March 7, marks the beginning of the Jewish festival of Purim, commemorating the events of the biblical Book of Esther in ancient Persia (now Iran). The wicked Persian premier, Haman, plotted to wipe out all the Jews (sound familiar?) but was ultimately thwarted. Purim falls into the “they tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!” category of Jewish festivals and holidays.

As part of the celebration, Jews traditionally bake three-sided fruit or poppy-seed filled turn-over cookies called ‘hamantashen’ (also spelled ‘hamantaschen). Their triangle shape is because it is believed that a tri-cornered hat was worn by the wicked Haman (i.e. the ‘Haman’ in ‘hamantashen’).

In the spirit of the festival, I offer you Chabad‘s ‘Quick & Easy Hamantashen’ recipe. Enjoy!

Ingredients:

1 (18.25 ounce) package moist yellow cake mix

1 cup all-purpose flour

2 eggs

2 tablespoons water

Fillings:

1 cup fruit jam (any flavour) or 1 cup prepared poppy-seed filling or 1 cup chocolate chips

Directions:

• Preheat the oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease cookie sheets.
• In a large bowl, mix together the cake mix and flour. Stir in the eggs and water to form a stiff dough. On a lightly floured surface, roll the dough out to 1/8 inch thickness.
• Cut into 3 inch round circles and place 2 inches apart onto the prepared cookie sheets. Place a teaspoon of filling into the centre of each cookie and pinch the sides tightly to form three corners so that only a little filling is visible. Moisten with water, if necessary.
• Bake hamantashen for 6 to 8 minutes in the preheated oven, or until lightly browned.
• Allow cookies to cook for 1 minute on the cookie sheets before removing to wire racks to cool completely.

Recipe yields 2 dozen hamantashen.

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Partners in Torah

A few weeks ago, I signed up with a program called Partners in Torah.

It is run by that fabulous adult Jewish education organization, Aish HaTorah. [1]

The premise is quite simple. People who, for various reasons, cannot get together with a study partner to learn Torah, Jewish history, Hebrew, Talmud, Halacha (Jewish law), and so on, can get connected with an appropriate person and, together, they study on the phone for 30 to 60 minutes a week.

(I saw this at Aish HaTorah’s Village Shul in Toronto)

As per their website…

Partners in Torah’s signature phone study program offers Jewish adults of all backgrounds across North America a cost-free learning opportunity to discover Judaism – its culture, history, and traditions – at their pace and their schedule. Jewish men and women with an interest in acquiring specific skills or who simply want to build on their Jewish knowledge-base, are matched, one-to-one, with a carefully selected personal Torah trainer or “mentor” for up to an hour a week of over-the-phone study and discussion. Participants can choose any topic including Hebrew, Jewish philosophy, or history. In its decade and a half of operation, Partners in Torah has engaged more than 40,000 intellectually curious Jews across North America, and today supports some 4,000 weekly study partnerships (over 8,000 individuals!).

I emailed Partners in Torah and very shortly thereafter received a phone call from a charming young lady who asked me several questions confirming my status as a Jew, a bit of my background, what I was interested in studying and why, etc.

I told her that while I spend about half of my week in a Orthodox neighbourhood in Toronto, the other half of my week I practice as a criminal defence lawyer down in the Niagara Region of Southern Ontario. Not exactly The Heart of the Old World and certainly not a bastion of Torah Study. In fact, you can count all the Orthodox Jewish men in the entire region on one hand. So I was very keen on being able to learn with someone as opposed to studying on my own (not the ideal method, by any means).

I also indicated to the young lady that I wasn’t all that interested in Talmudic civil law. If a wall crumbles and collapses and a person gets injured, trust me, I could not care less who is liable to pay damages. I went to law school for three years. I hated tort law then and nothing since has improved my outlook on the topic. Bunch of ambulance chasers, if you ask me.

(A page from the Mishnah Berurah, this one dealing with the laws of Passover)

I told her that what I was interested in was the practical day-to-day application of Jewish law. When asked to be more specific, I suggested studying the Mishnah Berurah (the Chofetz Chaim‘s commentary on the Shulchan Aruch [2]), especially Hilchos Shabbos (Sabbath Laws).

Surprisingly, she said, “I know just the person for you!” She then set me up with one of their volunteers, a guy in New Jersey.

He and I emailed back and forth a few times, and spoke on the phone the next day regarding what I was interested in learning and what would be a mutually convenient time for us to learn.

We agreed to study together Wednesday evenings from 7:30 to 8:30 pm.

The first study session went really well, I thought. It was exactly what I was hoping it would be. I couldn’t have been more pleased. I am looking forward to the next study session!

As the poster above says, “There’s happy. And then there’s ‘I have my very own Partner in Torah’ happy!”

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[1] For those of you who follow this blog even semi-regularly, you will probably recognize the name Aish HaTorah as also being the international organization that runs, among other things, the Jerusalem Fellowships program which my daughter Exhibit One, attended in August 2011 and which my son, Exhibit Two, will attend this coming May 2012 in Jerusalem.

[2] Mishna Berurah (“Clarified Teachings”) is an important and widely used commentary, consisting of six volumes, on the Orach Chayim section of Yosef Karo‘s digested compilation of practical Jewish Law, the Shulchan Aruch. It combines his own elucidations and differing opinions with those of otherAharonim (post-medieval authorities.)

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Nanny Shortage Leads to ‘Nanny Poaching!’

It is a sad day indeed when someone poaches your nanny.

Let me say right off the bat that I’ve been extremely lucky with all of the nannies I’ve hired over the years for Exhibits One and Two when they were mere tots. Each one better than the next with not a clunker in the bunch.

Others have not been so lucky. There is a friend of mine who has had the opposite experience… one nanny an even bigger horror story than the last.

In the olden days when dinosaurs ruled the world and it was relatively easy to hire a nanny, the government had (and still has, as far as I know) an ‘incentive program,’ of sorts. If a person outside Canada could find employment in Canada as a Foreign Domestic Worker (I think that’s what they were officially called) and maintain employment as a domestic for two years, then that person could apply for permanent residency status. [1] This was a good way for Canada to get the kinds of workers it needed and, in addition, increase its population. My father, like so many Italians, came to Canada after the war with a similar program that encouraged foreign labourers to work up in lumber camps in northern Ontario for a year or two, then become landed and bring over their wives. It was a pretty good deal in those days.

So, too, the foreign nanny program seems like a good set-up. So… what is going wrong?

You know that old cliché, “Good domestic help is so hard to find!”?

Apparently, the supply of good nannies is drying up.

According to a recent Toronto Star article, “Since 2010, fewer foreign live-in caregivers have been admitted to Canada, partly due to the declining applications by Canadian families who are now required to pay for all recruitment fees incurred and partly a result of Ottawa’s slower processing and tighter screening. The shortage of live-in caregivers has been exacerbated since mid-December when the federal government issued 14,000 open-work permits to nannies who met the employment hours to apply for permanent residency.”

The article continues, “The number of live-in caregivers arriving in Canada has plummeted by 40 per cent from its peak of 13,773 in 2007 to just 8,394 in 2010. Currently, average processing time to get an overseas nanny is 15 months, 17 months for the Philippines, the main source country.”

As a result, nanny poaching has become a rampant!  Fewer foreign domestics coming into Canada (declining applications, tighter government processing), more experienced nannies leaving the job pool and more families desperate to find good, trusted nannies to care for their kids, especially in a situation where both parents have full-time jobs and do not want to put their children in day-care.

What was once an employers’ market has rapidly turned into a nanny’s market! No longer content to work for minimum wage, good nannies these days can pretty well call the shots, especially when parents are willing to tempt them away from their present employers with higher wages, better living conditions and other attractive incentives.

As mentioned above… and this fact cannot be overstated… so many good nannies have completed their two years employment, obtained open-work permits and have moved out of the ‘live-in nanny’ business and into the ‘I’m going to make a better life for me and my own family, thank you very much’ business!

Which leads me back to my opening statement. It is a sad day indeed when someone poaches your nanny.

(Nanny no more!)

But really, what did we expect? Did we seriously think these wonderful women become nannies for the sheer thrill of taking care of our little kids night and day for little pay? Did we honestly believe these girls wouldn’t leave us for more money and a better deal for themselves? Or, heaven forbid, to start their own lives and families the first chance they could get? The only reason they looked after our kids, cleaned our houses and cooked our food was the hope that after two whole years of this crap, they would be well on the road to becoming Canadian citizens! Oh, and just in case you still haven’t caught on… that’s why they came over as nannies in the first place!

The law of supply and demand is hitting parents were it hurts the most… in their children’s lives.

It’s a tough situation to be in, no doubt. But parents can make it easier on themselves and reduce the risk of having their nannies stolen from under their noses.

Here is some free advice from an old man who’s hired a few nannies in his day.

• Pay them well. Don’t scrimp when it comes to the women who are taking care of your children. Don’t give them only what you are absolutely required by law to pay. Give them the bare minimum and it is just a matter of time before someone realizes how much your nanny is really worth… and is more than willing to pay it!
• Treat them well. They aren’t your servants. They aren’t your slaves. They certainly aren’t your friends and family. Treat them as valued employees. As with monetary compensation, if you don’t treat them well… someone else will be happy to do so!
• Give them their own time and their own space. Having a live-in nanny doesn’t mean she is on call 24-7. She needs her own life, her own space and her own time. Make her work environment seem like a prison… and she will be happy to grab the first opportunity to escape.
• Do everything above-board. Pay all of her source deductions. Make sure she is in this country legally! Don’t give in to the ‘under the table’ urge. You will both be happy in the long run. Trust me.
• Be kind and generous. You, in turn, will be rewarded with their loyalty. Be nasty, stingy and mean… and you are basically asking them to find a new job.

Here is another truism I’ve learned when I was an employee…

‘You will often put up with being treated poorly if you are paid well… and you will often put up with being paid poorly if you are treated well… but there has to be at least one or else you quit!’

Good luck out there. I hope you are as fortunate as I was!

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[1] A permanent resident is someone who has acquired permanent resident status by immigrating to Canada, but is not yet a Canadian citizen. Permanent residents have rights and privileges in Canada even though they remain citizens of their home country. In order to maintain permanent resident status, they must fulfill specified residency obligations. (Citizenship and Immigration Canada)

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